I was born in May, 1951, and then born again in the Spirit in August, 1972 in Lewistown, Montana. I remember that second birth much better than the first. I was trying to play my guitar in the basement of my parents home. I was weary. I was in deep trouble. Yes, I was actually playing the blues. During the past school year at the University of the Pacific in California, I had an encounter with the reality of God. Oh yes, there was no doubt. It was God alright. And no, I certainly wasn’t looking for any of this. So, what was that like?
Like the most profound ‘Oh, Oh…I’m in trouble’ moment. It was an utterly engulfing, terrifying, permeating, inescapable state of being… All this was from me…being in His presence, or at least now being undoubtedly aware of the most frightening contrast… between… I can only suggest the contrast, between light and dark. (I was the dark part) I later try to describe this realization as having encountered a bit of the Holiness of God. Again, later in my reflections of this experience, I see now that it was also a taste of hell… of being separated from God, yet continuing to exist for eternity…and never, ever, being able to escape the ‘fire’ of that truth. Maybe even a bit of the sting of death. Quite frankly it scared the wits out of me. To this day, I maintain a reverent fear. As a result, I had decided it would be wise to try to know what God wanted. Today, it’s looking like it includes a MRE (Master of Religious Education). In that moment, for sure, I was going to live life more respectfully.
I was taking a class in world religions at the time. It seemed a good idea to start there and so I got involved with one of them, the Hari Krishna movement. Here, it was said, was a path to god-consciousness. Great! That seemed what I should do. Get more conscious of God. So I learned to chant, to read the Bhagavad Gita, became a vegetarian, stopped all kinds of habits that were self centered and not God centered (or honoring).
By the end of summer, I was, or so I thought, becoming more focused on God. Was I more ‘God conscious’? Well, I was becoming less focused on myself. I was physically much healthier. My mind was clear. But by the time I was standing alone in the basement that morning in Montana, what was really clear, was that all this effort, while seemingly admirable, was not producing the promised effect of God consciousness. Certainly it was not even close to, or even a reflection of, my frightening epiphany of the presence of God. And now I was weary. I was tired. I had been doing all I could do. I knew I would not survive being brought back into the ‘presence’ again. For sure, I was falling short… I was at a loss just what to do.
GOT SAVED
As I played my guitar, trying to express my dismay, even that was empty. At that moment a friend came to see me. I was glad to see him. Part of my religious program’s requirement to achieve enlightenment was to share with others my ‘enlightenment’. So I offered a summary of my spiritual masters teachings and it’s effect on me. Even then, it all was sounding hollow. My friend listened politely I suppose, but then said…
“I don’t know much about that stuff, but Jesus said He is ‘the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one can come to the Father except by me.’ ”
In that moment, I was made to know, that the Holy presence that I thought was so fearful, was basically of the Father, that the true way to God was Jesus, that the truth I was seeking was the Person, God, Jesus. I got saved. My friend walked away, I think, amazed. Actually, we both were…even to this day.
ASKED JESUS INTO MY HEART
Now what? I was standing there alone. But clearly, not alone. There was a conversational kind of interaction, between God and me. Things about my possible doubts, my frank amazement that He wanted me, me wanting Him. I guess I wanted Him…probably me… to be sure He could, and even would. take all of me, with all my ‘issues’. My life? All of it? Really? I was vaguely aware that He really knew everything… I tried to make it clear (for me or God?), that I was sure only the ‘for reals’ God could do all this, whatever ‘all this’ meant. That if He couldn’t, then it all just wasn’t going to work. Well. Here I was…in that presence…again. But not terrified. I was assured. I knew. How? Later, theologically, I can discuss this. But right there. Let’s just say “JESUS”. Oh, little did I know! And it was in the truest sense, personal. I got it. I got Him! I now knew Him who is all.
In the most basic sense, I said “OK”. I surrendered. I then understood, that, ‘what ever it takes’, was already and would be, taken care of, both in me and of Him, by Him. I found that to be…good news. I was existentially relieved. I mean really. Really relieved. Remember, I already had come face to face with death…which I now understand to be existence apart from God. And I was lost, undone, toast. But then, amazing grace, I was found! I was saved by Grace. And Grace alone. And, wondrously, I found rest.
As I later studied theology, I’ve begun to recognize the realities of this event. And, what better way to continues this journey that by engaging in a MRE program. I’m coming to understand the evidences in the process, my salvation, both before and after, as well as during. I’m justified. I’m being sanctified. Those great tenets of faith are being made real in me, the one who was weary and heavy laden. Now, quite remarkably, I’m set free.
GOT RELIGION
So now I understood personally, and accepted, the Who. Jesus. Right then and there, in that dark basement. There’s more. Oh, there’s no end to more! I then started (or was started on) the what, where, when and why adventure. It has been beyond my wildest imagination. I bought a Bible. The elderly store clerk put my name in gold letters on the cover. I think she giggled. I started reading it. Yes, it had begun. I haven’t stopped since. And here I am, at the threshold of the MRE program!
OF HIS FAMILY NOW I’M PART
I can testify that He is able. That He is willing. That I was adopted into His family. That I have the blessed hope of His imminent return. I have the earnest of His manifest promises. I have Him. And He has me. At times His Spirit in me is overflowing. At other times, it is a matter of simple faith, a faith that passes certainly my understanding. Maybe a MRE will increase that understanding some more. I certainly have no doubt, that Jesus is Lord!